My perception

I went from 'i am alright' to 'it's cool' to 'I don't think of him too much now' to 'I miss him a lot' at a random speed. It kinda slow down today, but as I saw my friend awkwardly and shy introducing her new boyfriend, I thought to myself,

Ah.. When can I be in that position. I'm sure I won't look as shy as her today.

It's another beautiful night. Clear sky with lotsa stars. Reminds me of him who used to say he wanted to be an astrounaut, that's his childhood dream.

I want to show him the view that I saw tonight. And yesterday night. So beautiful.

I miss having someone to share bout my days. Probably not so much on missing him personally.

I thought for a while. Will I be less jealous if his best friend isn't a lively pretty slim and small built lady? Is it gonna be better if she is fat and short and non fashionable?

It's such an absurd way of looking for security isn't it?

Does anybody knows why is it such a big deal for me for wanting to make sure that he knows how I feel about him? That I'm thankful for everything (listing it down one by one) and it feels so important that it doesnt ended up like lots of SMS between us - sent but not delivered.

Why? Yeah why?

Why is it that I'm afraid my feeling isn't delivered?

No, I am not looking for acceptance anymore.

But at this point, I pause and wonder. Maybe to him it doesn't matter anymore. Timing is crucial.

But to me, today, it is still.