thank you, it come out alright =)

time flies.

end of april.

i want to say thank you for the good fortune that comes one after another, so that i am not too overwhelmed by work. im currently waiting for my two old clients to pay up the remaining sum.

thank you for allowing me to know as many as three souls with whom i can openly show them my ugly sides.

recently talking to one of them has helped me to get back on my feet when i slipped again thinking about some unnecessary pain.

yesterday i had the luxury of watching fishes swimming here and there inside a big beautiful aquarium. oh my...what a joy....their graceful body movement, some silly attitudes, interesting body patterns, all of them. it was indeed a luxury to be able to watch them without worrying about any other things.

so thank you.

few days ago i decided to do something about my guilt of not be a much help to dad and mom. so i go down to the office and decided to help tidying up the coins.

sometimes, customers pay using coins. sometimes it is had been sorted, sometimes it is all mixed. 100, 200, 500, 1000 coins all jumbled up. Indonesia has two types of 100, of 500 and of 1000. Banks require us to separate them before banking them in.

there's a simple guideline. which is for Rp 100 coin each pack must round up to Rp 50.000- Rp 200 must be Rp 100.000 and so on.

to my delight i managed to found few packages that didn't need much work on- i just need to combine them. some need extraction and combination to reach the specific amount. usually they are 50k, 30k, 20k, 10k ect.

and then i found one odd package, 52k. i was prepared to take out 2k when i found another package, 48k.

i was surprised and delighted. yay, skip all the tedious counting for extraction or addition! one more pack down!

i don't know why, but it felt meaningful.

those two odd packages, they aren't that odd after all. they just need the right partner.

and they added up into one perfect 100k pack.

 it might not be visible now, but im sure he is out there, that one person that it is as odd as i am.

when things happen for a reason, and that you realize there's a meaning behind it, stay awake.

i could attracts the money that i need, the parking lot that i need, the weather, but i had never ever thought about the kind of relationship my mom and i should be.

all i did was complaining, and remembering hurtful feelings she made me felt. and this morning i get another bad experience.

each time it happened i said to myself, im sick of this, i want to get out of this house. but look at where i am still.

but now each time i feel bad, instead of numbing myself with watching dramas or comic that pull me further from reality, i go to youtube and listen to self-heal-talks.

this video is a good one.

i am soooo thankful that finally my client said they like my exterior design. thank you universe, now i gain more confident designing exterior =D

and it is all thanks to dad's simple question: 'have you check out the site yet?'

and so i went to take a look, have a better understanding of the surrounding, what's on the left or right or back side of the house.

and i am thankful that i dont need a doctor to certified my boobs that they are authentic. hehe.

i found it funny and pitiful for actress nowdays that they find the need to have their boobs certified by a doctor.

-a certified real boobs- LOL poor thing. entertainment circle...

http://sg.entertainment.yahoo.com/news/lin-chi-lings-breasts-certified-095000925.html

that sneaker story maybe is to remind me not to think too much about mr. right who has yet to appear.

btw, i think if the next time you are sad and you found something that could cheer you up and take your mind away from your problems, that is something you must take note of.

for me, design is that one thing that no matter how upset i am, if i start browsing and looking at all those pretty interiors, architecture or landscaping, i feel excited and happy. and in love.

so thank you universe for allowing me to work on something that i really love.

today im thankful

without planning it, i managed to buy a pair of new sneaker. i saw it at mantos, but they didn't have my size. deep down i was sure i can find it at megamas. i didn't plan it or thinking about it, but today somehow universe arrange it for me. i was there, with the money, within a moment, and they have my size.

so thank you.

on the afternoon i took out the book that i brought last year at sg (sigh, not even half-read)

it revolved too much on advertising and graphic design, i wish it is more on general design. but the author's word of encouragement is applicable to any business. basically he said -trust yourself, your own instinct and judgement no matter how it is judged by the others.

because he proved some of the weirdest ideas he had had became among the most remarkable piece of work in advertising history (well, im not well versed in that) but his confidence really struck me. he made me believe in his words.

be confident girl, be a confident girl.

My head is kinda messy now.

dad just inform me that something i am dreaming about and looking forward to is cancelled. that is one dream that i thought is finally coming true, and he said mom decided to cancel it.

my dream got further away. 

i think i am sad.

the cloudy weather made me kinda moody and feeling manja.

today i m thankful for the cloudy cool weather.

sadly, one of our worker quits, and that has made another one saying he is quitting too. the problem with the first one is that he smartly avoided the questioning by saying he is going home to visit his sickly grandmother.

the second one aren't as lucky. we try to hold him back by saying you should give us some consideration by allowing a certain period of time for us to find a replacement before you leave. yeah, i think it is a fair rule to give one month notice before leaving.......

and of this issue the most unlucky one could be dad and i. because mom can never cope with any kind of stress especially regarding not having maid/ worker at home. so she is starting slashing and being rude to me already.

luckily i have a secret charm. my trip to redang! ;)

today im thankful

i get a new client, he is my cousin's boyfriend. my up and coming -cousin in law.

it's a 3 level shophouse, with the characteristic of apartment because of the size.

thank you universe for keep pouring money and design opportunities. i need it for my travel fund ;)

and i found what i want to give for my brother's bday. hahahha, i told him i will pay for a trip to bangkok =D he just need to pay for his own shopping. i really hope he could come along, it would be fun shopping with him because he is a good bargain-er hehehehhe. and he is so fashion conscious. and he got few thailand friends =D

i also received email from my bestfriend, who always encourage me and give support, listen to me whine.

so thank you for today Universe. i will love myself better and prepare myself for the coming ordeal. i mean, holiday ;)

REDANG IM COMING!

=D hope that everybody will get along, and it would be a memorable beach trip, full of laughter and sunshine.

i pray that the weather will be great, the sea will be calm and we could spot many beautiful fishes

i should start packing little stuffs =D

and i must stop letting anger getting hold of me.

today i am thankful

for the simple breeze that come cheering me up

for the electricity and the aircon to chill me up

for the smooth internet that opens up informations that entertain me up

i bake brownie today. it is very simple and the texture was great. but taste wise it isn't great, probably i need to experiment with another brand's chocolate.

lately im slipping away. i thought of him again and there's anger and disappointment. i wonder alot, and i am sadden. it is so easy to provoke my mind into thinking that im unworthy. and into thinking many, many pointless arguments. they are running around in my head.

funny, i dont even think i miss him anymore.

today i am very thankful

i talked to my ex colleague whom i know had been to Redang few times to ask for his advice.

and asking him if he would like to go there together and he said yes! he would love to have an escape too!

and seeing my schedule to attend wedding early June at Sg, and i think mom and dad wont like it if i fly here and there seperately, therefore! i set to go to redang before the wedding!

thanks God im so certain i can go and touch this legendary water in more than a month's time!!!

=D so happy!

i think i slipped, and i am sorry.

shouldn't let outward experiences define my inner mood.

saw a post, although i dont really agree to everything in there, but i really agree to these lines.

thank you that i am out of it already.

HEAR WHAT OPRAH WINFREY HAD TO SAY ABOUT MEN

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. 
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you. A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. 
Look for someone complimentary...not supplementary. 

string along: To keep (someone) waiting or in a state of uncertainty.

she endlessly keep saying that im no good, while on the other hand she has never given me either the support that i need.

but along the way i made generous people who had given me their encouragements, who told me that im good enough for whatever im doing. and also hearing friends' stories of how they too lack of encouragement from their parents yet they managed to see past through it.

so i really dont need her support anymore. whether she agrees or oppose to my work, it wont stop me from moving. because i had seen past the issue of 'you are my mother you should be the most supportive one'

when we can pull down those labels, how people should behave, the control freak within ourselves- i think our heart will be much lighter.