oh hahaha...

i couldn't help but feel funny and amused

when i heard my flatmate - Oliver- knocked on Lee's door and say, "let's eat, dinner is ready"

then i heard Lee mumble something and followed by the sound of the door.

it's very homely isn't it =)

but couldn't help but feel funny because it's the...2nd or 3rd time i heard it. it is always Oliver calling to Lee. hahahha oh well, does that means the cook had always been the same person?

hahahahhaa~ reminds me so much of dad calling over to me for dinner while i was back home.

birmingham 69th day, 19 nov

the long corridors in my apartment.

they are so hotel look alike. except it is using sensor for the lighting.

when i just move in, at one night, standing at one end of the corridor - it suddenly struck me.

the dark long corridor beyond me, is just like this life.

no light will be light up if i were to stand still.

and if i dont move, i wont know if there's a way in front or not.

and to be wrapped with darkness, you will slowly swollen by worry and fear.

the only way out is to keep moving forward.

and life will slowly unveil all the options it have.

it started as a super blue and sunny day! thank you universe!

but surprisingly at the afternoon....

such a thick fog!

the super scary thick fog! im glad i had amazing and warm room to stay in. thanks God!

little desert from xmas market

found this at the german xmas market with my cousin. didn't even know what's the name! we bought a bag, mix taste. only when i ate it then i realize...it is....cream...sweet cream....with chocolate coated outer layer and waffle base.

completely light and sweet.

and my cousin forgotten to bring it back to bristol! it is now sitting at the fridge =.=

birmingham 76th day

today is -3, the coldest i had ever had.

universe how lovely you had matched it with clear blue sky.

it is so much bearable! i will adept myself quickly for this!

bought a longest socks i had ever seen (hahahha) 58% wool =) and a 58% wool hat too!

---

The power audio book told me, it is not about what's happening around you, but about how you react to them that brings more similar circumstances to you.

---

my mom had a chronic envy and jealousy disease.

and that's exactly why i hate talking to her.

it is always about how others are doing this and that and about what i dont have,she doesnt have, the family doesnt have.

thought it had gone better, learning to be contented and grateful for what she has

come again and tell me, looking at other families having their kids back to their parents side, working in the business, and mentioning my dear cousin (there's never an end to the comparison) and a neighbour had back to help the family, she asked when will her kids do the same.

---

i hate it. hate it. hate it. if you ask me why im such an egoist, i reflected it is either genetic or got it straight from her.

didn't even ask what is my dream or what i wish to do in the future.

---

alright, i had wrote it down, and i would do what the secret tell me to, to focus on my joy : dinner and drama~

signature project brain storming on the way

i had decided to do something which location is at my hometown.

thought about promoting local culture, but the limited information is so not helping,

thanks God for the idea to promote agriculture instead. because i came across the info that 60% of the local income come from agriculture.

looking down all the information, im glad i still had little bit of the residue from the study of biology during school time. you dont know things you dont know, so the more i read the more link i clicked, the more interesting it gets,

and since im strangely like plants, and the idea of doing things related to planting or promoting home-growing-food is nice. and they promote the idea of food abundance, and producing food in organic way, symbiotic systems between animal and plants.

i hope i can grow it into something really really edible!

Dear Lord,

it is such a beautiful day! =) lovely blue day!

went to clear up my school fees, phew~

bought some good deals for toiletries, and tried some british desert. didn't really intend to buy actually but my cousin remind me that while im here, i should give it a try. will blog it later when i open it!

i cant say enough Thanks to God for my current hostel. the flat is located at the end of the corridor, and my room is at the end of the flat, which makes the only person that walk down towards my room is me =)

i really love my housemates, in a way that they are really quite and respectful. almost as if there's no sign of life here, but i like it that way =)

once in a while met one of them at kitchen and had a nice chat with them.

---

yesterday at school, going out from the library i saw one of my classmate. i saw him smiling, but i thought it must be for somebody else. then we walked towards the staircase. he hold the door (oh they always do here! and you ended up keep saying thank you) unexpectedly he spoke first to me, 'are you in the interior design?' and i said yah, we are classmate. and we just exchange simple talk about the class. that simple conversation and smile really makes me feels good.

because my cousin previously in a negative way said the angmo doesnt care or wont bother talking to you, so i need to make effort if i want to make friends with them. therefore i feel very happy about how simple a smile can make one's day better.

sometimes i feel the angmo is a little bit friendlier, example, in going to toilet, crossing way, holding door, they tend to look in your eyes and smile. this kind of thing doesn't happen in asian country most of the time, because we tend to drop our eyes.

---

the better you feel about your life, the better your life will be~

...

:( hmnn i couldn't help but dislike...being interrogated...

in another way it is good coz was questioned bout what i had done, what will i show at class tomorrow.

but it is not nice when i ask back and no feedback given.

"i had done nothing"

i just really hate it because maybe relenting back to hurtful memories at college time. so call classmates just want to take advantage of you and your info and not willing to share theirs.

that's why i automatically become stiff and defensive when come this kind of questions.

i must get rid of those old memories, because im sure this new friend isn't the same as those bad apples i met before. but hmnn :(

new home: jennens court

oh well.....let's just say it's a little bit cold to pose hence the wood stick style XD

dear God, im very very thankful for letting me move to this amazing property.

i want one day to own and run this kind of property that provide so much comfort for students who are far far away from home.

such a piece of comfort everybody need.

book from amazon: 1st arrival

it is an extremely happy feeling to check the mailbox and without expecting it, found a parcel with your name on it!!!!!!!!!!!!

ordered on 17th, arrived on 19th!

love you amazon uk!!!!!

a trial to my love.

i come to think about this as the season passing by.

i had always love trees. love them for their shade. their comfort. the green leaves. i could never explain why, but i had always grateful for the amazing big trees outside the hostel at malaysia, and followed by a real nice tree at the back of our flat at singapore, and then to some trees at the backyard at my 1st hostel at UK.

their green calming color, and the huge solid trunk, and the comfort given by the shade cast by sunshine, such a blessing human has from the mother earth.

was so very excited as they started to change color. that pretty yellow shade that i saw from my bus seat, amazing rows of yellow-orange-red-green shade, and a wonderful pile of dried up leaves shattered on the green grass underneath.

amazing. very berry extraordinary.

and i thought, ah, a different side of the tree that i love, and i love this side equally.

---

and eventually brought to realization, the amazing colors doesnt stay. they come and go. and leave the trunk and branches naked as it enters into winter.

---

and im asking myself often since past months, "will i still be able to love you equally when you are in the driest state, hardest hit by the winter, in your naked -most ugly look?"

i dont know yet, i dont know yet.

they are always paired with grey dark murky sky, reminds me alot of the ghost movies setting.

---

im sure i will be brought up to another realization of how to appreciate this less lovely side of my love. or maybe not. anyway the important part of this is i belief it's God's test for me. for the egoist me.

will i be able to stand steadfast to my love be it in a good or the worst scenario available?

---

so friends, i think it is not right to go around saying, 'oh i love xxx very much' only upon seeing xxx in their best state. you are only right saying so if you had both encounter and able to handle xxx in the best and worst state.

im so very shocked!

---

just saw my junior at high school is counting down for her marriage!

next mid year!

---

the funny thing is, i had come across her fb since at first she put up pics with an angmo years back. since she didnt study overseas, it come to me as a bit weird. oh fate. i think she met this guy online maybe.

and now they are getting married! for real!

the guy is from netherland. orang belanda! just. wow.

---

and another junior recently said out loud in Fb proposing to her girlfriend (who was our junior too)

---

i really cant understand why they want to get married at such a tender age....all of the sudden my friend one by one is polishing their fb with prewedding pictures or worse, baby pictures.

another sign that age is catching up with me?

---

oh bother.

birmingham's autumn

21 oct. best of the best colors i had ever ever ever seen!!!!!!

27 oct. the sun is out and the trees looks golden yellow =)

30 oct. ah, i wish there's somebody to help me take a picture with you guys!

30 oct. not only the trees, but the brushes are turning yellow too! such a lovely afternoon!

7 nov. it's funny to get shocked every time i came out from the house, because the scenery is changing fast!

7 nov. the leaves are stubbornly hanging to the branch

7 nov. the rows of gorgeous green trees are now botak

17 nov. ah, winter is here.

----

autumn is such a fragile season.

such a clear statement to the fragility of our world.

things come and gone.

*but camera freeze the memory* =)

first project - kidd' in me

finally submitted the first project, and now we are into the second one, the research based to be the base of final signature project.

phew. had a good nap after the class. lovely blue sky day.

this first project is a good exercise for me to be on 'school' track again i think... things are definitely slightly different than working life.

Dear God, thank you for guidance for the past 7 weeks.

---

to be honest, my work, there's nothing fantastic about it. nothing extreme or exciting. just comfortable. during my diploma, i used to try to be different. because that's what they are telling you to be. but then i realize im not creative enough to do so, -rather than stressing out, i just...learning to be me.

ah, this is an activity room inside a elder care home. it's for them to play with kids.

current mood:

blissful and content.

---

i know that's not a correct picture LOL! but that sorta explain the subtle excitement i have for realizing what i have in hands now.

---

looking out through the window of my room, i can see others' flat.

some window are full with beer can and liquor proud display.

remind me of what my cousin said about the party and drinking habit the local here has. or the crazy attitude of fresher in the flat. the noise and the messiness and the dirt.

---

none of that happens to me, be it in the previous hostel or now.

---

it's my 5th night, and it has been peaceful and quite through the past days, no shouting no door banging, no loud music or crazy amount of guests, none of those.

next door is beijing guy, Lin, taking MA for interior design. the next next door is Oliver, from beijing too, taking MA for Architecture, and the next next next door is Chris, local guy, taking BA City planning course.

talked to Oliver yesterday, he mentioned that he is married. i asked, why Birmingham? he said he is taking it as a year holiday.

then Chris say hi when i was in the kitchen, he is same age with bro, and has a really similar resemblance, the type of person that laugh after a sentence and laugh again after another sentence. a real good kind of persona that i wish dad has passed his gen more to me.

dad has that kind of gen too. bro has it stronger. makes them really approachable or people simple like talking to them.

he said beside sleeping and taking bath, he basically stayed at another flat.

then he asked what type of music im into.

glek.

i tried to brush it off with saying, 'pop - chinese?'

but he asked further, 'name someone!'

glek.

*tried to come out with intellectual or sophisticated answer*

......

after lots of black crow passed by, i said,

" ....boyzone.......?"

he then laughed heartily, "i'll take that"

-----

meet Lin just now at the kitchen, he said how busy he is with the MA, kinda there's no time to breath, and the different approach the studies take. he thinks it is really more onto 'progress and process' here rather than the outcome.

-----

my conclusion is all three of my flatmates are really nice person.

-----

doesn't matter they dont throw the rubbish, i can see how busy they are. and they hardly cook, and nobody hangs out at the kitchen. it has the peaceful empty feel to it.

which i totally like =)

of course, a warm and merry kitchen is nice too, but this is really nice too.

and i will definitely take the smelly rubbish compare to a whole display or beer cans.

anytime.

-----

cleaned out bits by bit the kitchen, and throw out the rubbish. it feels so much better now =)

-----

today my lecturer approves of my presentation panels. i know that into the 3rd year, it is no longer the same as in diploma, that your whole stake of your project depends on what the teacher said. in here, it is how you defend and try to make sense or persuade them.

so i know im not looking for their approval and not to hang my esteem on that.

but nevertheless im happy that it turns out alright to them.

-----

gonna have a nice sleep tonight and continue the battle tomorrow!

today i was touched by a classmate. i thought, she is such a nice person for saying that.

met her in the printing department, and upon leaving, she told me, "hrabrina and i will be in the studio, if you need anything you can find us there"

that's really sweet of her. and then i thought, i want to be that kind of blessing too to somebody else.

----

i just received sms from another classmate, asking if he could come over to my place because he wants to do his CAD on this saturday.

i dont know what makes him think i would be a big help to him. he had done 2 years back in singapore, im sure he had used CAD for 2 years. that's good enough seriously.

and im very much the type that works in solitude, not in a merry big group with lots of chit chat going on.

*annoyed*

especially he is one guy that kinda big talk at the beginning, saying oh you can just wrap things up during the last week or smthing like that. kinda full on confident.

submission is tue, you are doing your cad on sat?

----

few minutes passed and i remember. didn't i just wish this afternoon that i can be a blessing to somebody else?

after all, i know some people are good with 3D but poor with 2D.

----

oh God, thank you for the reminder, and for the chance. i will do my best.

----

10-11-10

beautiful wednesday! praise the lord! it's around 4-6 degree, but the sun and blue sky really makes you happy and even for me who cant really stand coldness decided to open the window and have some nice air =)

God is good, so far it has been gloomy but i know every now and then there will be one day of sunny day to recharge all of us up of our need to drink the light. this is one of those day.

weather forecast said it will be rainy and cloudy all the way to the sunday.

i had a good drink today though im all day at room.

i LOVE how the daylight lit up my desk, totally totally my dream working place, but sadly it left soon and i had to on my desk lamp again, but nevertheless im so very excited of it =)

the messiness make it seems i had been working hard isn't it :p

market around closing time is such a bargain! two bags for 1.50 =) normally is 1 bag for 1 pound.

it really surprise me when i count it back home! there are 25 of those in the bag! i saw the signage say 10p for 1, so i said 'kiwi please' and paid the guy 1 pound. i was wondering when i saw him keep putting the fruit into the bag, and there's 25 of those!!!

shared some with my classmates (and they are just next flat!) really thankful for them to help me with the moving on monday

my dinner~promo 2 for 3 pound~

really love the design of the packaging! how thoughtful! the salad i bought from Asda included the same fork as well, but it was in plastic packed, put into (mixed into) the salad itself! so you get a whole fork wrapped in plastic which is sticky with the dressing.

ou..the fluorescent light make it looks bluish ^^" oh btw!! finally found a white light bulb desk lamp! how perfect it made my life be! no more yellowish light! hate those! they make my eyes tired easily!

ouch! didn't expect a huge pile of carrot hiding behind the prawn...

ada udang di balik batu...

ada wortel di balik udang...

but it is really sweet and none of carrot smell or taste at all! i wonder if it IS carrot...

and finally buy myself a gloves...actually accidentally walked in the wrong way back home after the market...and found myself into Marks and spences, and i thought i could get a gloves, the wind is making my hand numb, and found a nice one, 80% wool for 10pound. the real leather one are for 15pound and above. but i thought this one is easier to wash, and i love the small details of lining at the bottom =)

it is still cool though wearing it out, but at least the coldness doesn't bite into my skin~

---

deadline see you this tue.

---

but i have to get everything or at least 90% printed out this fri.

---

deadline see you this fri~

serenity

reading a book under the tree, what a blissful image.

if only i dont think of semut merah might come to bit your butt.

book and tree, two of my favourites

moved to new hostel

today i moved to a new hostel. 8 nov 2010 into block a flat 81 room a.

signed contract today, haiz a bit unfair for them to insist for me to pay starting 1st nov when during that time i asked to move in they rejected me saying the contract is not ready. i waited till thursday for one piece of paper that doesn't even have my name on it.

on friday i went over to ask why should i be paying starting from sept. crazy.

Thank God the person i talked to is pretty reasonable.

at first she wave off the sept. then after another talk she wave off the oct. and actually she promised me to start counting it on friday itself.

but oh well, look at the brighter side.

i did confirm with them for the room on 1st nov. if only they could give me the contract right on that day or maybe on tue.

seriously, why soslowone?!

---

anyway im so thankful for both my friends for helping me with my stuffs. just 2 months and i had developed a huge amount of possession.

promise to keep low on spending. after all this fabulous new hostel cost a bomb.

will post up pics after i passed my 16th nov deadline!

---

It is true when you are feeling low or thought that happiness is such a fragile thing, it is good to listen to your favourite songs. music can lift your mood up =)

im alright, but have to admit i dont like it here much. 2 months already and other than the pretty trees i hardly get excited about any other things.

i need an (exciting) walk i think~~~

and the leaves are leaving, leaving only dried up branches.

such a gloomy scenery complemented with -most of the time- gloomy sky.

if they say British tend to be grumpy type of people, oh well i start to see why.

the sun is leaving around 4 in the afternoon!!!

come back sun!! i need you!!

geram.

keep saying 'donno how to do, i donno how to do' 'aish shit la i donno how to start'

are you a baby then?

i had seen such girls before, which is totally annoying kind of person.

of course from time to time we might lost, dont understand stuffs, and got confused.

but for a guy who keep checking how's my work progress is, then every single time says 'i donno how to do, i donno how to start,'

aren't you abit too much?

'i donno how to write the brief''

wtf? the brief is already written for you goddammit!

---

dear i m not sure what i should say now

i hope you will be strong.

cry all you want, but be strong for those people around you. your dad and sis.

hugs.hugs.hugs.

!!!! lucunyaaaaaaaa!!!!!