My perception

i dont know if i want it or not.

or is it im thinking this way now because of all the hassle of preparing documents

or is it because dad keep preaching about opening business on my own and earn money

or is it because of my own laziness

or because i thought might as well use that money to start up something

or what? sense of responsibility seeing few others friends too, had started to dip into their parents business?

do i really want it now or not?

it feels a little bit ridiculous to think that after all this, study to farawayland only to come back and open shop selling stationery?

then what?

one month back to manado and im getting more confuse

i hate to think this is dad's conspiracy.

"come back and have a rest, and also so that you know what we are running here"

i am so very extremely confuse now

and as usual, the lazy side of me make me want to run away from complicated stuff

or in other words

simply not wanting hassle

there's always exist -the-tension-of-the-opposite

which reminding me 'the more i want to run the more it is proving i have to grit my teeth and stay and face it'

just like with aikido class. or jogging. there's always this huge bulky mountain at the front, and after all the hassle, there's always a reward

like jogging, for me, it is funny how i felt so terrible towards the 5th lap but after that my legs seems to be moving around on its own. lighter. and i can catch my breath better.

or in aikido class. grit my teeth and show my thick skin and thankfully having all the good-hearted seniors, i come to love the exercise. and so my feet and my heart too become lighter whenever it is time to leave office for the class.

so based on experience,

should i grit my teeth and just shut down my confusion and just....keep moving forward?

deadline is getting nearer.