My perception

i found my old diary. dated back around 10 year, at the time when i was in primary school.

reading it now, with memory and emotion detached, i introspect myself.

as if reading from third person point of view, i can tell that the kid writing it is one timid and deeply annoying on top of spoiled, self centered and full with negative emotions.

shame shame shy shy

always looking for dad, fighting things with bro, and envying classmates or cousin.

now i know why my mom hates me. and my memory played foul with mixed emotions that i live my life blaming my mom. i had always keep the impression that she always sided with bro and thus further our siblings rivalry. to make it worse, mom never praise me over my school achievements, instead keep comparing with cousins and said, 'but still not as good as---'

i did found one incident though, whereby she hit me and gave punishment only to me when me and bro quarrel.

you bet, i was expecting to find more inside, but i didn't. i thought i would have written more complains about her but no, there wasn't any record.

so, was this all my memory rewriting itself?

this is confusing, but after sorting out, i arrived at one conclusion. as much as i wished friends would accept me as who i am, i must give mom chance to be accepted as who she is.

......easier said than done.......