the last day of my 3rd year

and as today end, so does my academic life.

today is the last day in my 3rd year 3rd term college life.

perhaps today is the last day I'm attending a class, being in a classroom, seeing a teacher, and sitting with classmates. you will never know.... i am not intending to further study anymore. perhaps yes, perhaps no. if there will be any, i think it should be mandarin class ^^;

last term i get so fade up with classes. i get so tired to be a student. i even thought of giving up. thinking that perhaps i have no talent. perhaps I'm more suitable to be in business or something. it was the most hellish term ever. everybody around me is so fake. i get to learn things, and most of it is about sad facts. make me so down to hell.

life must be something in a circle shape, and so it turns. perhaps with the force of karma.

i never though that boutique design is so much fun. and my final term teacher is the best teacher i ever had :) though i doubt he actually knows my name ^^"

he is really the teacher you need in design school. the one that not dictating you but giving you bits and bits of clue. he wont give everything in one bit, but he sure know how to deliver it out, make me think, and it helps.

i personally think that he is really a good one, he mold each one of us, with our different concept and design style.

and, God sent me a great friend. though knowing her for such a short period, but she is definitely somebody i can count as friend. a sincere one in her words and action. a caring person who thinks lot about other. i feel so ashame to be next to her, realizing how self centered i am. i never actually really thinks about other too. some part is because i am the type that wont do things without knowing i will get something in return. so, i wont care for people that i know wont care about me.

today i learn few things. the most important one is that, you cant make everybody like you. though you never bad mouthing people at their back, it will never guarantee nobody will badmouthing you at your back. i said bad things about other people too. so karma will get me back one day. but it hurts somehow. so i will remember, i will be careful to whom i' m open up with.

and secondly, i finally make my conclusion, the one that keep haunting me since last term. the one that keep haunting me since my childhood. (wait. this should be the most important one! ^^ )

it's that...I'm not a weirdo. I'm not a unsocial able girl. My personality is not that odd. I can make friends. though not a lot. I'm not what my mom said about me.

i might not be as social able like my bro. or like my dad. who can start conversation out of nowhere and make friends. I'm not anywhere close to my bro skills at human relationship. but i have friends.

so when i cant fit into a group, though how hard i try, it doesn't means I'm the wrong, the odd, the bad one. no. why must i always blaming myself?

today, i am enlighten :) that had lifted up a big stone in my heart.