advice?

oh, suddenly remember what kuan win told me when he visit sgp few weeks ago:

"keep your friends close and your enemies even closer"

during lunch break my colleague told me her past experience at previous office where the normal life span for worker is less than 3 months @_@ she said there's a bitch senior designer there who love to bully juniors and back stab fellow seniors~

my GOD, thank you so much, i dont need to worry about that piece of advice.....thank you thank you....

one special LRT journey

it was an afternoon around 2 months ago, i was on LRT back to Cheras. on one station there's 2 high school girls went in and stood in front of me. both of them have a super tired look on their face, with a tired shoulder- carrying the heavy backpacked.

futher down the train, there's 2 tall high school guys. i notice one of them, he is quite cute. (within 5-8meter distant ok?) what made me notice him was not just bcoz of his look. but bcoz i caught his eyes few times. i saw he keep glancing over to my direction.

huh?

well. it took few more glance for me to realize he wasn't looking at me (*geez* of course la) he was looking at the girls standing in front of me.

suddenly it made me remember. those feelings. blood rush to your face when you saw the guy you secretly fancy (*secretly, yes.) and more the Dag-diG- dUg feel when he catched your eyes (*oh it rarely happened in my case) ah...i miss it. very much. i can't help but keep smiling for the rest of the journey. that girl must be really special :) in her character. (well, coz she isn't the make-up type, and i think she hardly care about her look- oh- made me remember of the old me :p)

now i realize one more thing that all the money in this world will never ever can buy.

smokers and the victims

i hate smokers. i curse them, every single one of them, especially those that loves to smoke at public places, to go to hell asap!

i believe in our human right system, being a smoker is a free choice. i respect that.

but most of the time it's them who don't respect others non-smoker. if in spite of all anti-smoking campaign messanges they still decide to spend their money on cigg, go ahead. it's not my bussiness.

please, if you want to de-stress with cigg, smoke at somewhere- where you wont hurt anybody else.

nobody wants to be 2nd hand smoker. and the worst part is, you dont get to choose whether you want or dont want to be one.

*curse excemption for those who had manners.

what does your name mean?

i had finished 'FREAKONOMICS' yesterday night, what an interesting book recommended by kaemin. the way they explain things about socieconomy is like reading a novel. so it's easy to follow, informative and of course interesting!




the subtitles are super interesting: "why do drug dealers still stay with their mother?" or "which one is more dangerous: gun or swimming pool?" and the book end with topic about names. names that are given by parents to their kids.

i asked my parents before why they gave me this name. and they said because the nicest colleague my mom ever had is called Peggy. {while my bro -Hansen- name is driven from Handsome. because when he was born he was a super handsome baby}

in our name somehow parents' carved out their hope on us. anyway, out of curiosity i asked my friend about his name. and the answer were simply hillarious ^^ hahahaha

Raccoonboy says:
hm... they named me a "river warrior"
Raccoonboy says:
thats kinda a lousy prospect for a name
Raccoonboy says:
like... my future job is a porr fisherman or something


{he was reffering to his chinese name which i don't use to call him to, so i asked bout his english name}

Raccoonboy says:
russell? XD
Raccoonboy says:
i named that part myself
Raccoonboy says:
russell is what i wanted to name my dog
Raccoonboy says:
but my dad told me he wanted to call him tyson so i ended up taking the name

hahaha {oh no, what will his name be if the dog were to take that name?} so, what does your name mean?

Karma's proof

i had a fantastic chat with jackline. fantastic as in for the time span. i overnight at her place, and we talk almost non-stop from 9 night till....6 in the morning ^^

{i had never imagine i will do this. i still remember once my dear friend Indri told me that she stayed overnight at Winnie place and they chat till 5 in the morning. that time i was wondering what are in the world they can talk about until 5 in the morning! and it's not like they seldom meet each other you know.}

{these all was taken at 5am when we decided to sleep n off the light and then the conversation somehow didn't stop until the window brighter and brighter}

from all our conversation, the most memorable and most meaningful and powerful is this:

we were talking about karma, God's existance and guide, and similar stuffs. then she suddenly share with me about what happened before their high school prom night.

she is the only one who are taking care of the event (to my surprise) and go to deal with the people from the hotel management. in such a rush and short time preparation (5-6 days), the hotel manager told her that to include the band performing they need to pay extra because it's a last minute call. because she was the only one dealing with this, she is also the only one know how much is their budget. and that extra money was extra 2-3 million! and she said -yes- she agree to pay.

and of course she back to home keeping this quiet. and cracking her head for idea to get this extra money. and while she was walking down the street she saw a small kid begging for money. at 1st she was thinking want to give but feel lazy to take out her wallet. so she keep walking.

she told me, after walking for quite a far distant, she turned back.

she said she can heard a very clear sound telling her to give something to the kid. and she gave 5000 out, and all left in her wallet was just enough to get her back to home. and she thought 'how blur i am.' yah, coz normally you will just give 500 or 1000 for begger.

few days had passed and she still cant get idea how to cover the cost, and was ready to ask for more money from her fellow friends when she received a call from that hotel manager.

he told her that the band said they decided not to give extra charge. and now they have far than enough money to run the event, even much more leftover!

i was like "WOW, really praise the Lord!" and she said, "yah! i keep thinking of ideas and pray for God to show a solution but never imagine that the solution will be something like this!"

and suddenly i wonder, "then why are you including the part you give money to the begger?" because it just seems unconnected. for those who dont belief in karma. i was happy to find out that she is one of some people that at her age belief in karma. and actually being touched by its power in such a big way.

she somehow belief it's connected. you just cant explain this kind of thing, but i do belief in it too.

it's powerful isn't it? and shame on me, i had forgotten about -giving- lately.

i belief that God, in such a rare chance (for me who are so not stable at the moment -to stay overnight at her condo- which is double- coz now the other bed is empty) had allowed me to meet her and share ideas with her that night wanted to remind me about this most out of other stuffs.

Thanks God, i hope that i could have another chat-till-morning again with her soon! and with enca too (then it must be a super duper extra long chat) and i want to have it with other girlfriends too :) a kai and kilikulu.

life cycle, is that what you call it?

*wanted to do a quick blog entry~

today i woke up early and back to sleep till 12, it really doesn't feel good to woke up that late. after lunch i continue to do my 1st assignment from new boss, an office and commercial space for Singapore Sport Council. just the schematic design. i found the idea yesterday after browsing at borders timesquare.

nah. today i suppose have to finished the floor plan and all T_T but now it's 8 and i have nothing T_T haizz... boss coming to KL tomorrow T_T

but nevertheless, i am glad i had something to make my brain run.

kaemin lend me another book, (after our poker game last night~where bun wins almost all the rounds hahaha) the title is...erm. i forgotten haha (it's upstairs, lazy to take it) thanks Kaemin for being so caring :) and she offered me to follow her to ipoh 2 weeks later!

and hocksoon invites me to his blog. nothing much bout updated news, but came across the one about our cameron trip. such a happy trip. my 1st trip traveling with friends :)

and then i browse back some old pictures from my external harddisc. as time passed, people change, feeling change, make the situation change. make me realize how much i have to cherish every single moment because there's no time machine to turn back to the same position again.

sad. yah. but it's necessary to feel sad so that i can understand what is happy. because we are human, who don't know what we have until we have lost it.

at this moment, i really wish i can be there again, we can be together again and feeling the same feel as it used to be.

we wont i guest, something had been broken. my perception change. i don't like the new one, but i can't help to have it. my head and heart is fighting (and make me hungry). haiz. human. excuses!

it is a strength to be naive at this age. if i am still that naive then i can escape from this current state of unhappiness. or maybe ignorance will help. but where cares still live, it's hard to close your eyes. i want to see this in a more simple way. Help me please God...

i belief that every single things have it's life cycle. but do friendship included in this case? i guest it is, that's why we are so afraid of it and like to say : friendship forever, friendship never ends. bla bla. but if it is really a forever one then we wont bother to mention right?

it must be depending on our effort then to keep it forever or not.

geez. i said i will do a quick one.

love - my version

I believe in God, what about you? I know that I'm blessed, what about you?

Let me share with you a story, kinda ridiculous actually but it's oK, coz I wanted to prove that God's Love exist.

Last year, there's time when i was wondering what is love. (haha, i remember i had it in this blog, some post about it) I asked myself, what is love. not family or friend love, but love between he and she. I'm 20 and i can't identify what is love.

So i prayed and ask Lord: Lord, I'm 20 and i don't know what is love. I'm curious, can you teach me what is it? Can you show me how to identify love? Can you tel me what is it? Love-that everyone talks about. I wanted to know.

Today, half year had passed and i had that answer with me now. God had somehow teach me what it is, show me what it feels like through this time. it's only now when i looked back that i realize all those things that happened are answer to my own prayer.

had i become wiser now? i hope i am. now i had my own definition of it. Love is the feeling that you still want to care for him even though you had been hurt and you know where he sets his heart to. I made it sounds so pitiful, but it is not. it's a very light feeling. something calm and cooling. Not needy and not demanding.

yup, i can say that i had met love. this journey had give me the answer to my question. and i think it's enough. i never had his heart with me, but if you asked me do i feel sad or desperate, no. i am not. i am not lying. This experience is good enough for now :) hee-hee, after all i never asked for to in a relationship or what. Might sound cowardly to you but i cant accept long distant relationship. with me now moving to a new place, i don't want to be committed in any relationship that might drag me to unnecessary direction.....

That guy? he is somebody whom at 1st day meeting him i told myself: geez, i will never fall for this kind of guy. HAHAHAHA serious! He is so... not gentleman. not even holding the door for me you know!

but upon knowing him more, i admire his vision and character. knowing him makes me know how to dream. yah, a more vivid-solid dream about what i want for future. anyway, people who have dream and confident shines. That's why i want to shine too, to keep my dream and build my confident. He had his negative and plus points. nobody is perfect. We had different faith, and the difference appear mostly when we talked about intangible things. like happiness, love, doing good things and idea of God.

And...too bad, he had put his heart on other girl. And he, for being so insensitive come to tell me how he loves that girl. sad? no. actually by knowing where he sets his heart it's actually when i rest my heart from internal argument between my head (which keep telling me that it's obvious he loves her) and my heart (which even knowing that still hoping and get hurt)

knowing that all i still want to hear and help him make me think that it's funny. part of me says that it's because he had been nice and helpful to me, be there when i need help the most that's why i want to do the same. ya, it's just that simple. but maybe is because i want to be a more caring person. i had never been really caring before, so now when i had a chance to do it i will do it.

i will say this is my form of love. a light love. not bad for beginner. at least i know i am not the type of girl that will fall in love blindly and need people to drag me up from the hell. at least my head is still working and i believe that God will keep me away from harmful thing.

you can say that i haven't fully been in love. or it had to be done blindly that only can be called true love. or anything. we can debate about this until the end of time. hahahaha....

and knowing that i can love like this make me love myself more. people who feels good about themselves produce good result. and also, you have to love yourself so that others can love you. these 2 sentences are really true. i will practice it more.

Thanks God, my next prayer will be... a good and promising job that can be platform to make my dream come true~ now i want to focus on job and dreams. just not going to asked for love anytime soon. But God, if it is really happening then i will just follow your plan and please, let me know that it's love that's coming :)

between helping and getting hurt

never ever put yourself in this situation ok... your life is in your hand, so avoid putting yourself in a bad condition..

my dear friend told me this, the guy that she had crushed on come to tell her about how serious he is towards other girl and ask opinion about how to express his feeling.

(really something you usually saw on drama)

wah.. i asked her why would you want to be his counselor. he could go and pour his frustration to other friend. she said it's because they are good friend and she just want to help. returning the favor for always being helped by this guy.

the girl he had feeling for is avoiding him lately after he showed that he wanted another step. 3 of them are friends, so my dear know this girl too. and know obviously from the way they interact- both of them have feeling for each other. He and she played like they are couple. he and she act like they are lover. but still my dear can stop her heart from liking this guy too.

So i asked my dear, how brave you are to agree listening to him pouring out how he wants to be with that girl. i asked, what about your heart. didn't it break? did it hurt?

She said she can freely admit that she likes that guy. but she also understand everyone had right to like whoever they wanted to like. still, it sounds bad to me.

She said her heart had broken long time ago, hurt so bad, and heal again by prayer and logical analytical mind. it is obvious in her eyes that he likes the other girl. so she knows about it since long. but she told me she couldn't stop her heart from admiring him. but she manage to control her heart and back to her sense, keep being friend with both of them and take it as a lesson.

still, i feel that, she should have just avoid the conversation.

but she said after that conversation it make her heart burden lifted. at least she knows at that point that she can stop hoping for him. she is clear about everything now. unlike previously where she only guessing in the dark. it doesn't feel good she said. her mind keep telling her off, but her heart keep hoping and hoping and hurting herself when she saw them together.

she also never expect to be caught in that conversation.

hmn...for me, just like what Robert Kiyosaki said: it's important to get rich, but it is more important not to make yourself bankrupt when you building your wealth. So i think helping people is definitely a good thing, but it also important not to get yourself hurt. Am i an egoist for thinking like this?

ironman

Yesterday i ate dinner at pizza hut with Ju, Russell, Krashim, Kuan Win and Julian. hahha, basically is me and a bunch of Dg ppl. I was full with laughter, because the whole meal they keep joking and joking even though is just about one thing. i didn't even know what i was laughing for but it was fun hahahaha :)

Then Ju, Russell and i went to watch ironman. i feel it's just -nice-only until i heard Russell opinion. He gets so excited to see the animation of the robots and those particles of the iron suit. He said compare to transformer which every scene transform so fast that you cant really see the detailing, this one is so-clear-and-seems so real that i asked: is that animation? (it was the part where he had his iron suit assembly by those set up machines at his workplace)

and also he said that he likes the main character, because in contrast with superman-clark kent or spiderman who are good guys saving the world, this one is a transformation from a bad guy to good. yah, nice point of view :D made me see this movie better than before.

that's the good thing about sharing opinion. that's the good thing about seeing something from more point of view :D it can always make you get more. of the good things of course!

heart vs head

do your heart synchronize with your head?

or

do your head synchronize with your heart?

I prefer to be under the 1st term then..................for myself, i can manage to control my heart. but still it is quite rebellious. that's must be how it feels to fight against yourself. it takes time, guts, notes {to keep reminding yourself} and faith. and prayers.

the writer of the book about starbucks management 'It's not just about coffee' write:

manage yourself with your head, and manage others with your heart.

i guest he is trying to say: be rationale to yourself and be sensitive towards others.

similarity traits

have you ever meet somebody that makes you feel deja vu or makes you think of some old friend, who you met long time ago, or stay somewhere far.

somehow this person have similar thought or character to your old friend. funny isn't it? that even separated by distant, grow in different family and community, eat different food everyday, but can produce such similarity.

sure thing, this similarity-feel can make you get close to this person faster than you thought. warmer, easier to click, whatever you call it. but be careful, your preference doesn't necessary can be apply to the new one. i mean like, don't stereotype it. let's say the similarity you found remind you of some good friend, then it's great. but what if it's not? what if this new person you meet reminds you of the person that annoyed you the most, your past experiences can be references, but please don't start to hate her/him because of other's fault.

anyway, i come to think of this because i found a friend that keep reminding me of my dad. it's just funny-surprising though... sometimes things that he says, his certain thoughts or idea of things somehow similar to my dad. considering they grow up in different place, different time, sees different things, past different experiences, but can result in some similarity at parts.

there's others too, that sometimes feels like dad. or feels like mom. i had meet some along the way ^^

God's wonder? perhaps :) {hey! will that means that somewhere in this world there is a person that similar to me too?}

It's not about the coffee

last weekend i went to Batu Pahat with kaemin {yah photos! will upload it later :p}

and from this trip i pick up one thing, one advice from her

"never settle down for the second best"

(which should be applied to everything, from clothes, shoes, to choices about jobs and partner)

today i read IT'S NOT ABOUT THE COFFEE, talking about the point success of starbucks.

i didn't read it all, but i picked up something too.

there's a chapter about thinking independently. from there what i get is that, to be successful, it's not the matter of-following-every-steps-you-are-being-told-to-do, but about setting up a goal, and by keep staring at it, you will figure out the best steps to get it done rather than just follow 1-2-3 without thinking much.

to me it sounds like throwing a ball a head, asking youself to run foward and catch it. it's the matter of which direction you want to throw your ball to. how you going to reach it is another problem. run, walk, use bicycle, or by car, it is all about creativity.

as long as we had the direction, we will never get lost. we will be alright.

previously i think that a company is much more like teamwork. no matter how great the leader is, it is still one person action. if those she/he lead can't follow the leadership, it's a sinking ship.

but from this book, i realize that for international scale business, it needs great leadership and management team. leader who needs to run miles a head before others and set up a flag for the followers to reach to. {as in, set up the vision and direction for others}

management team creates the system, set of system to make sure every branches will deliver same quality.

Ok, i think i have bubbled enough. So, i need to empowered myself with ability to see prospect and envision a better future. oh..

Simple happiness

i read a kai's blog yesterday, about simple things that make her overjoy.

as for me, i feel it this morning, my simple happiness.

it's the blue sky i saw by the time i open my eyes.

it's the blue sky above my head at the time i was in the car.

Simple blue sky, and the white cloud make me happy.

i feel good :)

it's a start of a good day :) Thanks God~ i Love U~

Today

perhaps i should make this habit so i know i did something today.

what had i done today? what had i learned today?
~ i haven't even finish the simple podium for capital square :(
~ back to autocad, didn't learn anything new today :(
~ still as slow as turtle in reading plan and building 3D :((
~ feel so-in-bankrupt-mood, but i happen to read THE SECRET -Rhonda Byrne. it was talking about the law of attraction. same concept with Karma. when you love yourself you will attract people to love you. when you keep feeling that you don't have money, then your thought itself will block money from coming to you. some same thing from Robert Kiyosaki too.. I'm GLAD that i read it. you see, it's not that i never heard of it, it just that you need to be reminded every once in a while right :) Thanks God..

ah! i learned something today! just caught something from http://www.secret-of-lawofattraction.com


"Every day, before going out of the house, repeat to yourself: 'This day will be the best one I have ever lived."

"The subconscious mind, as you already know, accepts thoughts of the conscious mind as commands and acts upon them. You have also learned that the subconscious has reasoning faculties independent of the conscious, but relies on the conscious to determine what is desired and then accomplishes those tasks. So what you think is what you get; whether your thought is negative or positive, the subconscious will without questioning put the thought into effect."

:) tonight is great,i had fish head mihun, i had msn chat with few friends, mostly are some rubbish talk, but it cheer me up.and the weather, the rain, waahh... perfecto!

i feel blessed.

future plans?

hi blog, feels like so long haven't been writing something here.

few days back in Edy's car, we heard "beautiful girls" by Sean Kingston

i recall hearing it at a phone ringtone. it was from a constructor's phone, during my internship. i remember, Lammy, Bor Shin and i followed Mr. Chorng to check the site at downtown KL. Mr. Chorng was seriously talking to the constructor, but his phone keep singing, "you way too beautiful girl~~"

Then it hit me. my internship? that was 2 terms back..that was...10 months ago!!! and it feels like yesterday!! time REALLY flies. so fast that it's really scary...

what had you done today?

what had you learn today that make the-today-you better than the yesterday-you?

what are your future plan?

what do you want to achieve tomorrow?

what are your annual plans?

what are your dreams?

and,

HOW are you going to make it comes true?