two more days till i will meet him.
as the time goes by, im getting less messages and less enthusiasm in the conversation.
and seems that we are less excited about going on a trip together than we were a month ago.
this is always where you started to wonder, what had went wrong.
of course, i keep reminding myself -the impermanence. things change and that's the natural law.
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i always wonder, what's his purpose in my story. and what's my purpose in his story.
one thing for sure, he had helped me to open my heart. i realize now i can do it and i no longer afraid.
when he left one day in the future, sadness shall be there. but i will never forget the huge favour he had given me.
besides that, i strangely come to realize that i want to be a bigger and stronger person who can support and lift him up when he's down.
he had been in a bad mood for a while because of his work, and im not sure how to cheer him up. besides being upset with my incapability, i am affected by his negativity as well.
once, he apologize if it's his negative aura that had affected my mood and my work. this is where i realize that i want to grow to be a bigger, stronger, wiser, and wider person. so that not only i wont be dragged down but also lift him up when he's down. to be able to listen and collected whatever sad angry tired words or mood and able to turn it upside down.
it is most certainly a difficult task for the current childish me. but i promise myself, i am growing myself out.
and this in following apply to lifting up my loved ones, dad and mom. bro. dear besties.
now i realize, as a wood- my purpose is to be able to absorb's mom's tremendous water and feed into dad's blazing fire. in order to do this i have to grow to be a big, bigger, huge tree.
this is my purpose to keep the balance in the home. to cheer other up when quarrel happened. and first of all, i have to learn not to be emotionally affected by the negativity.
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so thank you, for in a indirect way had helped me to uncover my hidden purpose.
i hope i can be useful to you too, to be present in your life for a meaningful reason.
(i will make sure i let him know about my gratitude)
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it's just a hunch, or irrational idea that sometimes happened. maybe in his story, i will be the one that give a gentle push that makes him realize his feeling for the person he admitted as the closest to his heart. as far as i can tell, he had found his soulmate.
or maybe he had realized it. that's why he is pulling away from me.
:'(
okay. enough emo-ing! i shall switch back to 'gratitude mood'
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