post phuket trip

October is a very blessed month. so much things received and learned.

in a short, all my fear wasn't proven.

he treated me well, took good care of me when i was busy taking pictures and lots of time left at the tail of the group

his friends are great people, and very fun. i laughed a lot and extremely enjoyed myself.

God had most certainly blessed our trip. the weather was friendly. the rain pour exactly at the time we nearly arrived at the pier, and right after we finished our ATV trip, and stopped right before we depart for last island trip.

how amazing is that! thank you universe!

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regarding my story, Thank God for all the courage i had received. never know i can be this brave and told him all of my gratitude, and even initiate the talk of 'where are we going' with this relationship. i made it clear how i felt about him.

in the short, he said he isn't ready for any relationship.

deep down inside i know it, and i saw the 'old me' in him who wants to have things done one by one. career. study. then only love life. i ended up sharing stories that lead me to think that all of this can be done at the same time. the possibility is there. friends's stories. to have courage. to still move forward even if it the logical calculation is negative.

to be honest with my one's own heart. to explore the feelings even if the answer will be negative.

because i can testify how PLONG it felt.

i thought i would cry a river. i didn't. when i reached home, i am glad he had rejected me. it's time to start a new chapter. with a new bravery, to look for someone closer physically.

it is all  because i had been honest with my heart. my heart and i made a peace. i did all the things i wanted to do with him. leaning, holding his arm, holding his hand, and hugging. i initiate ALL of them. ALL.

me and my girls laugh when i told them this. none of us know i can be this brave =)

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so i thought this is it. but few days later he said he regretted what he did and asked if there's more chance for him.

one of the reason is because the person closest to his heart told him that there's some spot irreplaceable - reserved only for lovers. some stuff only your lovers could teach you.

i told him it's disappointing that he didn't sort his feeling through before the trip. i wasn't sure how he felt about me. but i did what i can do, i sorted my OWN feeling out. that is my responsibility to myself.

i gave him another chance. but i wasn't sure.

to be continued....