sad realization

i am writing this down to vent my sadness out, taking out the garbage, and maybe get a few different perspective from reading my own words.

i really want to talk to someone about this, but i don't know who to turn to.

i am not very sure how to start the story, but the topic is about emotional attachment to the wrong person.

first of all, i believe everything happened for a reason(s), which i might not understand all of it right now.

months ago, when i was feeling bored and dont know who to talk to, i randomly chat with this friend whom i known from my days in singapore.

after awhile, we got to a nice pace, he was becoming more talkative, opening topics, and asked bout how's my day and stuffs going on on my side.

i really appreciate his companionship, and as days passed by, he constantly put smiles at my face.

the problem starts when i think he started to cross the line.

calling dearest, daily messages, honey, flirting here and there. asking me to dream of him. ect.

which at first, im just simply enjoying it and glad to have him around.

unfortunately as time passed by, heart grows greedy.

without realizing it, i feel so sad when there's a week i realized he suddenly cut his flow of msgs, or become not-that-responsive during conversation. i thought, alright. it's time to let go.

but the next week he's back, cheerful as he sounds the previous week. at first i just take it lightly, back to casual friend context.

but two nights ago, i got a chance to asked him 'what do you think the purpose of a relationship is?'

because he mentioned before when he talked bout his ex -they broke up because they were too young to understand the purpose of a relationship.

he was quick to answer - (im copy pasting this)

• i think it was mere a puppy love
• jadi bukan berdasarkan love, cuman berdasarkan attractiveness, or 'like'
  
  
  -

  what is it for you now?
  
  
  for me now?
  maksudnya skrg gt? knp ngga cari pasangan kah
  
  
  -bukan
  • i just want to see your view bout it
    
    
    my view about my past?remains unchanged
    • in fact i believe that a good relationship is the one which we are enriching each other, so to be enjoyed together
    • and since i still have to spread my wings, venturing myself, which may cause distances
    • we opt to ended it there
    • which some women are not meant to be in a distance
      
      
      the next following day, i was laughing at myself. ah, so at least i had clarified it. fine. 
      
      
      perhaps it's PMS, but my mood swing 180 degree today.
      
      
      i feel sad, and silly. and realized why all this while he spent time talking to me. 
      
      
      because im just someone over the whatsapp, who aren't meant to be taken seriously. neither today nor tomorrow.
      not even into consideration, considering our distance.
      
      
      sad, but it's okay. im pulling out my emotional investment.