since i was small, i never like the idea of big birthday party. i prefer just 4 of us. that will do.

partly because i was very shy. i don't have many friends and i don't enjoy crowd.

partly maybe i just want us, small celebration.

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now there's a japanese sushi restaurant open here.

i asked dad and mom to go try it tonight and they said they want to invite their friends too.

but it is then cancelled because their friends couldn't make it.

i am upset. it feels like it is not good enough if it is just with me.

i think what i like about Dating Agency Cyrano is that the lead actress knows clearly that she likes him and be very clear about it, although there's another hunk chasing after her.

i like her optimism, how she bravely and confidently confronted him, and even purposely move closer to him even though he has rejected her (although he is showing that he cares in his actions)

maybe it feels like that she ended up finding her happiness because she works hard through opening his heart. that kind of thing everybody dream of: if you work hard, you will surely earn it.

but we all know it might be true for work but not for heart. sometimes, it doesn't work that way.

but surely everything will lead you to the right one. right? i have to believe.

recently i watched a nice korean drama =) it's been a while since i found a nice one!

light comedy, and i didn't expect the lead actress acting is pretty good =) the chemistry with the lead actor was there too. only later that i found out that he is 24 years older than her!

oh well, he isn't good looking either, but i really enjoy the flow.

recommended: Dating Agency Cyrano

from clothing to my work to how i talk to EVEN HOW I LAUGH

you said it was all ugly.

i can't belief it's even to my choice of music.

i dont think i can ever love anybody who is that different from me, and who keeps criticizing me.

at most, i can only not hate you. that's at most.

congratulation to my dear friend who had found her new happiness!

you has given me a new hope, made me smiling ear to ear and lend me the courage that i need in order to move on.

knowing bits of your heart break story, you was once a ship wrecked in a middle of a storm. but that was all in the past now. really really really happy for you! you know that right?

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last month i mentioned that he finally stopped replying to my mail. i thought, finally, it wasn't me who give up this time. it is understandable that you do not wish to continue this random chat. but i saw his reply today.

he should have just left it there. really.

i thought of scolding him. or just delete it. 'is this a battle of the wit?'

nay, i think it's sort of a test. i replied him short.

today, im no longer curious or having lots of things i want to say or i want to know about him. today, im no longer feeling hurt imagining him with another girl. today, after seeing his recent photos with a pretty young lady-who was clearly declaring her interest in him in her body language & displaying their intimacy- i can wish him well. good luck with that pretty lady or anybody else.

and today, i can understand that the guy and girl can be just friend. or brother-sister type of love.

today, i think i can start to look for my new happiness.

Have i ever mentioned that there's a particular drama that i really like, despite it wasn't popular?

i thought, if only i could be as brave as the lead actress. i want to be that brave when it come to being honest with my own feeling.

and i kinda like the gentle, serious -lead actor.

have i ever mentioned that my story with him, turns out to be a very similar replica to that drama? in a very strange way, it did. i turned to become that brave character whom i admired, and i also turned to become as complicated as she was when she discovered that her husband's first love is his best friend. and she was so depressed because back then she overheard how her husband believes that he can only fall in love once in this life time.

and at the end she ruined her own brightness and confident with insecurity about how different she is from his first love and that she couldn't compete or even get close to that image.

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just now i thought of the kind of comic if i were to become the writer. there's always a character in my head who lead a simple life and started to take notice about how simple messages from a friend has been cheering her up. quietly and slowly, he took up a space in her heart.

now that i think about it, it really happened to me in my real life too.

out of these stories in my head, i have never have an ending for them. i didn't have the courage to write a good ending the girl in my stories deserves.

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moral of my story? your inner world creates your outer world.

"What lies behind you and what lies in front of you is nothing when compared to what lies within you"
Robin Sharma , The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari.