it is a wonder by itself..how i always manage to sink and swin back and then sink again.

almost lost my voice and forgotten how to speak.

couldn't find words to say. just how tight my lips had become lately.

and feel even lonelier when i am in the crowd.

on average lately i talk around 10-20 words only in one day.

=.= huh.

happiness?

i came across a blog from my friend's friends list.

i was overwhelm by her writing

couldn't had been closer to the old me.

who had been struggling with the term 'happiness'

had been envying why other could be so happy and i couldn't

had been so jealous to see happiness delivered to them and not to me

who had been miserable and up to the point i just want to fade away

---

she said she just deleted previous post about commiting suicide, solely coz she couldn't do that.

and mentioned that people keep telling her to find happiness from within

and she replied 'how can i be happy when i am not?'

---

truly understand every single words she wrote. had been there myself.

i posted a comment, hope that she will decided to try

i said, if you keep holding on to that question, you will never arrive at happiness. no matter how blessed you are in the current situation.

so i said, instead of saying that, why not change it to, 'how can i make myself happy when i am not?'

so i said, do things that you like! play, eat, hangout with friends, anything!

and the tricky part actually is this: appreciation.

so i said, do those things that you like and say, 'it makes me feel better, i appreciate it'

so, if she is now in -100, it wont make her +100, but slowly will pull herself up, -98 maybe?

hope she will open her heart and decided to do herself good.

because it cant be anymore true when it is said that 'happiness comes from within'

it is all depends on how we see things. our perception is the key.

OMG it's december already!

at the dawn of my 22nd year, this is the 1st time ever i had felt such a significant, reluctant feel of flipping my table calender from november to the last page: December.

too reluctant to my own surprise.

why, why, why do you asked?

only one thing that could drive you into this stage of mind. failure to accomplish goals that you had set early this year.

again, it is about me planning diligently but failed following the plans.

to said i had failed probably is too much, since there's still...26 days more?

at this point of time, i remembered what Donald said, (btw, it's Trump, not Duck :p) he said,

do not focus on your problems, but instead to the solution (or finding the solution) there's no problems too big to be handled. when you feel so, it is because you had been feeling tiny, or being tiny.

and of course followed by his famous phase, (beside 'you are fired!') 'THINK BIG'

seeing myself now, i am still far from grapsing the true meaning of that phase. and even further from being able to yield it with 100% strength from my spirit and mind.

ah....

enough rant. so focus on the solution.

sleep less and awake longer. awake longer for....excersice, reading, sewing, exploring, cooking (perhaps), upgrading wardrobe and my fashion sense, researches, study, mandarin, absorbing as much art sense as i can, soul searching,

for the sake of upgrading my soul, for the firmer tummy cells, for stronger character mold, for sharper mind.

comic: liar game roots of A -chapter 6

i came across a nice comic.

read it, it is not as shallow as it seems.

if you are seeing what i am seeing.




link









what i saw is the idea that even if we are already with our soul mate, the destinied one, twin flame, or whatever you want to call it,

it wont work out if both party are not being honest and- yeah- working it out!

cheers to all couples out there, who are having quarrell, and thinking, 'is she/he trully my soulmate?'

the bottom line is, it wont work if you two are not working it out :)

drama: liar game SEASON 2

WOHAAAAAAAAAAAAA IJUSTCANTBELIEFMYEYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

must watch *kekekkeke* hope it is as interesting as the 1st :D

liar game season 2

shopping is fun!

at the ring of the word 'shopping' most ladies get excited (and some men too though they are reluctant to admit :p oh, at least my bro is)

btw any guys reading this, dont frown or worry, im not going to brag about finding skirt or heels, but something else that we rarely come across (yet)

---

lately one of the project that i get to look closely on is a cafe. and it is surely much more fun than doing offices.

one of the reason?

i get to shop for fancy light fittings!

and this is the 1st time i go to such a big lighting shops with tremendous choices! *and it is so labyrinth like, the shop i mean! i was scared to be left alone at one corner thinking that some random monster might jump out from the wall behind and drag me away into their realm....hahhahhahaha~ it was a quite place, with lots partition, cant help it ar!

let me show you some fittings that...you will definitely seldom see hehehe!

eit, at a glance it looks simple right? look at the right side, yes, that's a door! this bloody lamp is as tall as your normal door! 2.1 m!


this is a vase and a lamp that sticks together~ but it is absolutely 2 separate pieces of glasses i kinda like tis hehehe~


awesome! but i think it will looks brilliant for hotel or resto staircase!


dont play play! those glasses are real! you can use it if you run out of glasses to serve the guests!

china made fellows, each cost around $700+

taadaa...boss decided to promote this and he manage to convinced the client!

such a nice experience! XD and not paying a cent for this XD hehehe

rant: if i could turn back the time?

think think think

if i could turn back the time, to which point would it be?

i had been wishing that power ever since...6? 7?

i used to wanted to turn it back to my earliest day i had in my memory. back to the 1st place i had known as home, where the new place seems hostile and i couldn't help but keep wishing i would wake up and found myself back at the 'right' place.

then it changed to another point.

high school crush (lol) and the common regret of not having enough courage to blurt out my heart content. i wonder what would had happened if we got together.

then it changed to another point.

'if only i had taken more consideration of the matters'

then after a while,

i started to think,

if i could really turn back everything, would i had learned the lessons i got from all those regret and memories?

i bet i wont. like some spoiled brat in comic, the one that always got their way, and thus- never learn. so now im not wishing for this power anymore. i wanted other power. mind controlling would be better XD XD XD hahahahhahha

mighty aslan said, 'no one could tell the story of -what-would-had-happened'

i hope i had been a little bit wiser today. and thank you for had been reading my rant