Jealousy

I'm a lucky girl, i always believe that.

even that i wake up feeling bad, my day didn't go that well, but there's always a good thing happen at the night that will lifted my feeling :) {kisses to my housemates}

lately had been bad mood. for an-non-worthed-reason {yeah i know, but still, it's bugging}

i -meet- a super dangerous poison - so dreadful, so black, so poisonous, that it's really scared me-

in English it's spelled: J.E.A.L.O.U.S.Y

i wasn't sure that i get it in my blood until i feel that my heart hurts, my mind become negative, and my gastric rebels against me {even unbeaten by my powerful anti-gastric pill} and i experienced hatred. deep deep one. comes in the package also are disappointment and annoyance, blended well with bad mood, make me un-focus, easily tired, forced smile,

everything that makes you feel bad. bad. bad bad bad. ;_______; i need a hug.... {hugs}

jealousy is dangerous. because it hurts me, my heart. my logical mind keep telling me:
"no dear, it's not that. you shouldn't feel this way. that's not right. that's not good."

but my heart generate different feel.. different reaction. that' why it's tiring, because there's internal arguments~ it seriously eat up alot of your energy.

my heart hurts.....this is what happen when i raise my expectation... my fault my fault.

i keep reminding myself: "focus on what you need to DO-s, and you won't have time to think about DONT-s"

Dear God, can you please teach me how to handle this poison? teach me how to evaporate it from my heart, without harming myself and others. Keep reminding me to open my heart, to see things from the other side, and forget about this distraction.

i wont ask God to keep this poison away from me. i believe that we need to bleed once in a while in order to grow. it's good that i meet it now. teach me how to create the antidote my Lord....

T_T