' positive living is the reverse side of a coin. the person who is capable of inspirational activity must accept the trough of depression as its partner. capacity to feel intensely brings sorrow as well as joy, frustration as well as satisfaction and hate as well as love. the education of the whole man implies full personal involvement in the constant struggles to maintain equilibrium between the extremities which are the laws of life.' (Yardley, 1970. Pg.129)

Yardley, A., 1970. Young Children Learning: Senses and sensitivity. Edinburgh: Evans Bothers Limited

---

typing part of my research for my 1st project~huayeem time to touch the dreamland~~~

universe thank you!

i cant belief it but im really really relived...

actually just now coming back home im not feeling right, extremely tired so i went to sleep for a while and waking up it feels like going to sick or something.

and saw on fb friends msg asking to go warwick castle tomorrow.

it is actually a sort of reply to me asking them out on sunday to visit birmingham heritage buildings.

*heart dont feel good coz initially me and hui shien and tiff plan for the birmingham heritage building on sun and now they asking me to join them for warwick on sat*

and i see at the brochure there will be winter event starting next weekend only at the warwick.

and you know what, it wasn't good for me to speak out coz im sort of the person they ask to join after the form up the decision, but all of the sudden they change plan to next week because they realize there will be costume event next weekend =D

and it is funny that tonight they are having dinner together with hui shien and tiffany because their school agent came over and invited all her students for a meal. and so they invited hui shien and tiff too =D (apparently they are all from the same agent!)

and since it is pushed to next sat (like the way i wish it would be few hours ago), so tomorrow i can focus on my assignment and sun i can go with our original plan =D

perfect.seriously.sorted out on itself.

thank you ya universe. i will jia you. and eat more fruits and have a good rest tonight =D

had really random and rather memorable dreams these two mornings.

one is i dreamed of being in a train (or car) journey with bro and mom and dad and there's my aunt. we pass a road where both side is sea, turquoise and blue and lots of big rocks, making it as if we are quite high above the water, and i can see clearly the white sandy sands. there's lots of pocket under the rocks, and i thought 'Gosh, how good it would be to swim there, under the shade!!'

the road is not long i remember, but the vision of the sea is really vivid.

and i think we went into a big ship to prepare for swim, and in this part i remember seeing my aunt wearing bikini and flaunt her body away~ pheewet~

oh wait. why should i be dreaming my aunt in bikini?!

that's just so random.

-----

second is this morning, mom and bro in the car and asked me to hop into the driver seat to go and pick dad up. we were somehow in a lovely village setting, mountainous contour area, and i just step into the gas and we are speeding up the small road with lots of turns. my one leg was outside and as i speed up i pull the door and i remember 'thanks God i didn't close the door on my finger!'

then we saw dad and pick him up.

----

my housemates were laughing loudly downstairs and banging doors, i was half awake and went back to sleep again.....

----

in this following dream, i was under the impression of being kidnapped into a weird setting. a lavish western style train. a little bit alice in wonderland style? (i mean, my impression of alice in wonderland from their posters...i didnt get to watch it)

i saw through the window a muse! i quickly wants to take picture to show to kaemin, that i see a living and huge brown muse who looks alot like a muse!!!! but an angmo lady wave at me from the other side and forbid me to take pictures. and then she pulls the curtain from my window (but from the outer side) and try to block my view, then she pulls the curtain from the next room too)

oh then i realize to my left side there's room. actually there's no partition. just like a long train interior. dense flower wallpaper and flowery carpet.

then i was in a long table. few kids dress up in old english style chatted me up. they are nice and curious i think. they are eating if im not mistaken and offer me their food. was it? hmnn.

i remember seeing a weird piece of food, it's like sticking two bread together. then i asked what is it. then a young boy explain to me excitedly, and ask if i want to learn bout it, but asking me in return if i could teach him something else. i said what, and he told me to teach him language. (or was it?) anyway i was so amused and i say, why, of course i would! and his face brighten at that and the whole group tell me something which i cant remember,

but upon waking up, i got the impression that i was told not to worry. they will guide me and help me around because they know im new in that world.

-----

i will jia you.

Birmingham 23th day, 4th Oct

thank you universe for the great day! waiting for the train (that comes every 20mins only. i miss mrt alot)

approaching school, (no the bldg is a business school not mine) see the trees is growing yellow

one of the really nicely detailed building at the city centre (though im not sure what it is)

goin back home. the reddish tree is lovely.

perhaps it is because im growing to feel more comfortable, i started to see more good points of this place. how true once you shifted your point of view, things just change.

still doesnt deny the city have lots of rubbish and vandalism.

reality check

universe, thank for always giving me support.

im sorry im such a cry baby.

this is such a pretty morning, im gonna go to library and please guide me to the books i will need.

it's funny that just now i chatted with my ex classmate. other than lammy and amy, bor shin is the one that i talked to. and he told me about how the others are doing.

im really ashamed. really.

they are now either boss or highly skilled in 3D or detailing or decoration or managing project.

all had become super pro in the industry after 2 years.

what had i been doing seriously?

what a great reality check.

thank you universe for keep sending me encouragement. i cant lose to them.

birmingham 22nd day, 3rd oct

it's october! one more month and i will see chan wai yee =D

and one more month i need to submit my first project which will account for 30/120.

not much, but i really want to give my best shoot!

today had rained since morning, all the way to the afternoon. finally around 5 the sky turns blue, it is really a happy feeling to know, every after rain there will always be sunny sky to look after.

it is good my mood is not dependant on sun that heavily anymore =D

wanted to step out of the house to randomly walk around the neighbourhood, but after sms a friend who stayed nearby the sky turn dark again (geram) but now i know she likes to do random walk too but hadn't found friend for =D great, thanks universe!

---

not something to be proud of, but it's 22nd day and i still cry when i heard dad's voice. i wish he would talk all the way, but it seems he was busy or have nothing to talk about, so the call was really short.

---

oh, friday night saw to the arrival of a new housemate. another nigerian girl called choma. (i wonder if that's the spelling) seems nice and more friendly than mariam. but.

she spread her big towel on the only hanging rail in the bathroom. nevermind. saturday afternoon i was back home to found my cooking pot all thick will oil, not washed. nevermind. (i know it's not mariam because she has more cooking stuffs than i do! she had a cooking pan! and mariam is totally very very clean!) then when she backed later at night, she bought a new set of cooking utensil. she seems to have forgotten bout borrowing my things without cleaning it. nevermind. but the night when i came down, the cooking area is a mess! nevermind.

and this morning around 11, i was about preparing lunch, it is still not cleaned. walao leh. then mariam clean it up quitely (she is surprisingly nice, not to bitch about it) and start cleaning the counter top, mop the fridge.

no, im not that bothered by this new housemate, but i just know she is one to be beware of.

---

my 1st project will due on 16 nov. exact day as kai xydra sasa eugene grad day! swt 1000000x

anyway it has a really nice brief. truly universal and 'close to home' as my local classmate say.

'how design can make growing old seems to be more attractive?'

the idea is to design a nursing home for elderly or else modify their existing home.

i had identify the problems of why generally all of us hate the idea of being old is based on fear. the deteriorating physical body starts to limit our activity, we are losing lots of things we used to have, and down to the basic it is the fear of not having love and care when you are in the most helpless state.

of course there's lots of aspect to consider, but since the lecturer says it is okay to just look into an area, or even just to propose certain material, or maybe lighting scheme, so i think it will be okay not to address to every single little problems we have concerning the well being of the elderly.

im focusing on the idea 'losing purpose of life' because without purpose we are a lost soul. and with less physical ability, their usual daily routine (which most of the time give out the sense of purpose) can be problem too.

the problem now is how to reflect this idea into interior. how to make a setting whereby the elderly will feel warm and sense the purpose.

sense of safety for outdoor area can be done with brighter and more outdoor lights, and a well kept pedestrian/ wall/ subway/ without vandalism marks on it.

...

brain on storm.

daily practice of gratitude

i want to say thank you universe

today is a rainy and cloudy day since the time i woke up

i have class, and so i walked out from the house armed with warm clothes and pants (yup) and backpack.

the bus 33 that i used to take will only arrive in another 42 min, whereby just nice come a bus, 934.

i could walk to the train station but it was rather far in a rainy day, so i prayed and hop in.

thank you universe for delivering me safely to my destination, thought i was worried because the windows were foggy and i couldn't see well, but really somebody pressed the bell at the place where i want to stop.

thank you universe, because of travelling by bus i arrived half an hour earlier than my plan of taking train.

thank you universe i had time thus to prepare more points of my project by sitting in the library waiting for the class

thank you universe after the class i found more information from the library regarding the topic that im working on.

thank you universe tiffany & hui shien purposely find me in the library to say Hi and woke me up from falling asleep.

thank you universe today at the bank though the queue was super long, but it was served really fast, and the lady that served me was respectful.

thank you universe thought lots of stalls had closed when i arrived at the wet market, i managed to buy the plum and vegie that i need and want.

thank you universe it is amazing that the bus just arrived when i arrived across the road. lot's of people boarding so i dont need to run to catch it.

thank you universe for arriving at home feeling lonely, i on my msn and pm a friend who instead just send me an inspirational video. im so ashamed for feeling low. even a guy without both arms can manage to play piano using his legs beautifully and living his life positively, what the heck im complaining about?

thank you universe for cheering me up and sending me friend to talk about the secret.

thank you universe for encouraging me to belief positively (belief and work it out) and i will be fine with my projects which has really made me worry because of the time frame.

thank you universe, im crying now not because im sad but im really ashamed, im sorry and thank you for always loving me and taking care of me.

thank you universe for reminding me the daily practice of gratitude is so important and powerful.

the rain finally stopped and the sun is showing up.

im loved. truly loved.